Choices Lead to Neurosis…

Choices Lead to Neurosis…

Being a modern woman today is fraught with anxiety and life envy – bold statement eh?  Let me explain….

As women living in the western world the lives we are living are nothing like the women that have gone before us – I defy anyone to find serious synergy between their life and their mothers or grandmothers?  We are living in brand new era, for the first time ever we have financial, political, marital and workplace freedom.  We can control our reproductive cycle, our bank accounts and our living environment.  We are told over and over again we can have it all but in my experience this comes at a cost.  The cost is waking up at 3am in a cold sweat worried about whether you made the right decision about work, kids, mother in law, husband, boss, dinner choice, shoe selection, previous conversation with a friend blah blah blah.

This is the neurosis of too much choice!  The same conversations are going on in every coffee shop all over the UK as women discuss and stress over all these choices and then the envy, guilt and internal dialogue starts –  has she got it right and I am on wrong path?   Should I be spending more time with my kids?  Is working over indulgent?  Am I flawed because I am childless?  Have I let myself go? Should I spend more time at the gym? Am I deluded thinking I can run a business and have a family? etc etc  .  I read an article in O Magazine recently saying there are only 4 types of women today…

  • Those who choose work over family and are in conflict about it


  • Those who choose family over work and are in conflict about it


  • Those who choose family and work and are in conflict about it


  • And mystics – those who have the ability to drown out the constant noise, have found some inner peace and life purpose, recognise their path and follow it with ease.


This really resonated with me.  In times past every village had a few mystics, but today, to make sense of the noise and the choices it would seem to me we all need to be one!

I think we need to be kinder to ourselves and other women as we are all managing the same barrage of choices on a daily basis, we question everything, all the time and we allow our inner dialogue to constantly tease us and undermine us regardless of the choices we make.

We may not get everything right but our time here will make it easier for our daughters and the next generation.  We must remember we are pioneers, going where women have never gone before.  Let’s celebrate this and know with certainty, that the choices we are making are part of the bigger plan for global female empowerment and are the right ones for us, now.


  1. Ginny Carter

    This certainly resonates with me – thanks for the post. We should trust our instincts and just get on with it.

  2. Louise Gosling

    I used to be like this – the worry, anxiety, comparing, but not anymore. Definitely heed Jane’s advice everyone.

    1. janekenyon

      thanks for your honesty Louise J x

  3. Janice

    Hi Jane. I think I’m a much better Mum when I’m doing things for me and then come home and be a Mum. So spending time working, socialising, doing my hobbies, even 10 minutes gardening without my children by my side. I also think children benefit hugely from nursery/pre-school – they become independent (not constantly relying on Mum being there) and I’d much prefer an independent, free thinker than a child who wouldn’t leave my side.
    We should all feel less guilty about trying to enhance our own lives, as well as our children’s!

    1. janekenyon

      Well said Janice – looking forward to meeting you!


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