The Mr Grey phenomenon is yet another example of women loving a strong man. Although I am not suggesting we all want to be dominated or whipped there is something pretty seducing about a man who is in his alpha flow – strong, powerful, in control and maybe a little naughty! My alpha of choice is my husband but in my fantasy it is always Russell Crowe, particularly as Maximus! But when I ask other women Colin Farrell, Jason Statham, Liam Neesom and Hugh Jackman are mentioned on a regular basis.
Pretty boys like Jude law, Zach Efron or Rob Lowe and metrosexuals like David Beckam, Russell Brand and Ewan McGregor have their place but nothing powers our fantasies and makes our heart flutter like an alpha, but why ?
They make us feel cherished, feminine and safe. They position us as their number one priority and we feel certainty around them. We feel protected and girlie. But it’s not all about macho, macho, an element of sensitivity and/or emotional intelligence is needed too. Let’s not forget Neanderthals are extinct for a reason! Alphas let their guard down for the woman they love and their children and they also need a woman in her feminine flow to make a perfect partnership so where have they all gone I hear you say? This all sounds a bit movie star and not real life eh? I can assure you they are out there.
But maybe they are feeling disempowered? Confused about what we want and hiding, or trying to morph into someone new?
I have talked before on this blog about how as women we are pioneering our way through a new world and maybe this has an impact. We are changing, in many households we are now bread winners, we can raise children alone, we are financially independent, we can and do own property and we are no longer prepared to stay in a relationship that is not working. We are rocking our world and sometimes this gives the wrong messages to men. It says we don’t need you. It projects an element of self sufficiency that makes him feel redundant. It says we are in control and do not need looking after! Now I am going to go out on a limb here when I say many of us are attracting the men we deserve!
Over the past 10 years I have worked with thousands of women and the biggest gripe about men goes like this ‘He never makes any decisions, I have to do it all, he is so laid back so I end up doing everything.’ They feel alone in the relationship, often taking on too much male energy and then losing their feminine sassy. Quite rightly they crave attention and compliments but as they have hidden their vulnerability their man is not sure what to do and they both start to behave out of character. The bottom line, these women have no certainty. The one thing we need and the one thing an alpha male delivers. Somewhere along the line individual identities and roles are getting confused. Now before you get antsy and start ranting at me – this is not about who earns the most money, who washes up or who checks the tyres on the car. Real men are not phased by modern day living just as real women are not phased by taking a seat around the boardroom table, it is more basic than any of this.
It is about both of us living our truth and being in balance, the yin yang thing!. Many women end up shifting their identity so much in a relationship they behave like their partner’s mother, keeper, master and boss and this is not attractive for either party. No man wants to woo his mother! And no woman wants to get sassy with a wimp!
So before you despair at your man be sure you have not emasculated him. He can only step up and be the sensitive, modern alpha male you desire if you are giving him the space to and meeting his needs. He needs to be acknowledged, admired and appreciated not nagged, controlled and ignored.
This is a huge subject, one I am sure will come up time and time again and create many debates. In essence I am encouraging you to be comfortable in your feminine skin – be confident and self assured, mysterious, nurturing, emotional, smart, sexy, fun and embrace your vulnerability and you will attract your polar opposite, Mr Alpha!
Oh Russell what have you started?? I did not mean this to turn into a Dr Phil sermon, I apologise but would love to hear your views as I am sure there will be many women out there who agree with me and several getting ready to lynch me! Bring it on……