I met with one of my Little Sisters this weekend, a 19 year old who I have mentored for the past few years. Her life is progressing as expected and I am very proud of her but once again I am left a little mystified by a trend I see more and more when talking to young people about their relationships and by young I mean anything up to 26 years old.
They seem to have an inability to name it! Ask them if they are seeing anyone and the answer starts vague and despite admitting to being engaged in a physical and exclusive relationship they refuse to acknowledge this as anything serous or put a basic label on it as girlfriend/boyfriend??
Why? What’s the deal? Why are they so uncomfortable about this?
Despite lengthy discussions about this with her and other young people I am still a tad confused. Is it just not cool to be off the market? Or are they all keeping their options open, permanently? Or is it, as I suspect, a symptom of low self esteem with both parties pussy footing around the obvious, neither prepared to commit unless rejection is round the corner?
Unfortunately, as we learn with age, this form of protection back fires as two insecure people do not make a whole, they just create a whirlwind of indecision, doubt and pain.
For me, this is about fear of risk and lack of emotional resilience and neither can be learnt unless you step up and have the confidence to say what you want, name what you have and commit to both!
‘Friends with benefits’ may be acceptable for some, but if your self esteem is already low it is a dangerous place to be and on a personal note girls…….. why give away your core and your soul so easily?